


i lost my sleep when i lost you (ever wanted someone so much it hurt?)

by LittleFreakcess



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Cute, Fluff, Insomnia, Internal Conflict, M/M, Pining, Sad, Uncertainty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 07:13:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17545106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleFreakcess/pseuds/LittleFreakcess
Summary: Minho has to leave.This leaves an imprint on Jisung he couldn't have imagined.or:Jisung is at a loss for sleep because of his loss of Minho after the elimination.or:Jisung is just fucking confused and sleep-deprived.





	i lost my sleep when i lost you (ever wanted someone so much it hurt?)

Their debut was their collective dream - and they had made it. Finally, after all the struggle, the heartbreaks and the sleepless nights, Stray Kids were allowed to be an official idol-group under JYP.

 

Their time in the show, called after them -  _ Stray Kids _ \- had bonded the boys even more than they had already been. They lost all shyness or inhibitions at that time. Before, Chan had collected everyone and made them the project group that would just maybe debut. But they all knew that JYP was not a fan of all of the members. He did not particularly dislike them either but he simply only knew Chan by his name and the other were, well, just that: the others.

Hence JYP’s uncertainty, he called out members during the show and eventually eliminated two of the boys.

One of these: Lee Minho. The dancer had been on tour with a big idol group as background dancer and had always wanted to become a trainee himself. He did not want to only backup for others. He wanted to be the reason for thousands of people to come see a concert. He wanted to hold that concert. To finally make it. To be considered to debut with his best friends and to be eliminated only after a short amount of time in which his dream was starting to bloom - Minho got crushed. By his feelings. Guilt towards the other members, sadness because he won’t be able to debut with his friends, grief, and misery overall. 

 

He never let it come to his mind to blame his members, he blamed only himself but was fast to accept his fate of not debuting with his friends. 

None of the others accepted it as fast as Minho himself and it hurt his friends to see Minho like that. 

But nonetheless, Minho was not the type of person to just give up after being told he was not going to debut with his friends. Neither was the other boy who got eliminated a bit after Minho: Felix. 

They wanted to be with their friends, if not in the same group, they thought, they could maybe make it into the next group that debuts and have the possibility to be on stages with their friends in the end. They saw that happening in other companies so why not JYP?

 

They practiced on their flaws. Sweat dominating the tears that were so close to welling up in their eyes whenever they heard the others. They wiped thos away, in hopes to be reconsidered. In hopes for a fucking miracle. 

 

And they did what none of the members would have thought would be possible. 

 

That was their miracle story. JYP changed his mind in the course of the show and Minho and Felix made it back into the team - all seemed well. At least to them.

  
  


But Jisung was not well. 

 

He felt like a brick had hit him and knocked him out of real life as soon as he heard JYP announcing Minho had to leave. At that moment, he was not able to do much except pull his cap over his eye and walk over to Minho, putting his hand on the older boy’s shoulder. 

Minho was still smiling, being strong for his members but as soon as the cameras went off and the last staff left the room to give the boys their privacy, Jisung’s mouth began to quiver, he bit his lip in response, so much that he bled. Quickly licking away his blood, he let out an uncontrolled sob that he tried to cover with his hand immediately. Minho was surrounded by the other members then. They all patted his back and hugged him tightly.

 

Jisung looked at Minho’s sad smile and his teary eyes once more before he broke down onto his knees. He wanted to be strong for Minho, but in the end, he had failed. 

On the other side of the room, Minho had heard the sob escaping Jisung’s mouth and he shoved through the members to get to him. Rushing to Jisung’s side and embracing the quivering figure gently.

Minho was the one who had to comfort Jisung now. “I’m sorry, hyung,” Jisung sobbed and felt the warmth of Minho’s arms around him and even though he felt like he did not deserve to be held by Minho. He thought that it should be the other way around but he only ended up gripping Minho’s shirt until his knuckles went white and crying into the older boy’s nape of the neck letting go all the sobs he had tried to hold back.

 

_ I did not help Minho enough with his parts _ , he argued in his head, he had not done enough to keep Minho in the group - it was partly his fault. 

He knew that it was not really in the back of his head, but he felt like there could have been done something -  _ he _ could have done  _ something _ . 

 

Minho simply held Jisung until there were no more tears left to cry for him. Jisung looked up, eyes puffy and lip swollen and his own met Minho’s eyes. 

Minho’s dark irises were sparkling like the sun that reflected from a lake. The tears in them only adding to the image. Jisung cupped his hyung’s face whispering, “I’m so sorry hyu-” but before he could go on, Minho shook his head and closed his eyes, letting the tears fall down his cheeks freely. He wiped them away and smiled a defeated smile at his younger friend. 

“I’m okay. It’s okay, it will be okay, it is only my fault, no one else’s, okay? You will be okay, we will be, right?” he asked, throwing way too many ‘okays’ into his phrases, while raising his eyebrows at Jisung in a pleading manner, brushing the boy’s hairs out of his teary eyes.

The younger knew he would not be  _ okay _ , but for Minho he kept quiet and simply nodded, his heart breaking a little at it.

 

Before they knew, Chan was able to get a hold of Minho and then pulled him away from Jisung, needing his own time with the eliminee. Jisung let himself fall back onto the floor and buried his face in his knees and crossed over arms. Changbin came to his side and stroke his friend’s back in a calming manner. He couldn’t have known that Jisung was not able to calm down at all. Jisung appreciated Changbin’s worry, though, leaning into his hyung’s comforting touch. 

  
  
  


What they didn’t know was, that Jisung was going to be sleeping very little in the following days. His sleep always getting disturbed by memories of Minho’s elimination creeping up on him. JYP’s face telling them they were not going to continue as a team. He was hoping it would get better after a bit of time, but it didn’t seem so. Whenever he closed his eyes, the image of Minho’s sad smile came to his vision and he only teared up again. 

 

_ How can he smile like that when he was told he couldn’t debut with us?  _ Jisung closed his eyes shut and banged his fist against his bed frame. 

“Yah, some people are trying to sleep here,” grunted a half-asleep Jeongin from somewhere in the dark room.

“Sorry,” Jisung quickly answered and turned over to his side, hoping that no more dreams would disturb his sleep again that night.

 

When they were to move out, that was the next punch to the face for Jisung. He did not share a room with Minho or Felix, but to know that there would not be a possibility to meet for their dinner, or for a round of gaming, or simply talking with the two whenever he needed to, felt like torture. He never appreciated their time together enough. He thought he had, but now that this time was supposed to be over, he was sure he did not - not enough.

 

As the time came around to say goodbye to their leaving members, who had their suitcases standing next to them he had first hugged Felix, but quickly released the orange haired boy with a sad smile on his face, wishing him all the best and telling him to meet up all the time. He could handle Felix leaving. He knew that Felix was the type of person to meet up a lot with friends. Jisung knew he’d be around a lot, even if it mostly was for Changbin and Chan, these two seemed to be affected by Felix’s leave more than the others. Of course, the others were, too, but the aussies shared a special bond, just as Changbin and Felix - everyone knew that. So nobody was wondering about the fact that Changbin held Felix’s small frame way too tightly for a little too long to be considered normal between friends. None of the members questioned them though. That was just the way they were. Jisung smiled a broken smile at the two of them before slowly turning his body to the other boy standing in the dorm’s entrance.

 

As soon as Jisung faced Minho, the tears began to well up in his eyes. He kept his glance low as soon as he realized it. He felt bad for crying in this situation. To make it even harder for Minho. He couldn’t hold back though, so he silently let the tears fall to the floor, their silent impact on the wooden surface sounding like rocks that were thrown to Jisung’s ears. 

He took tiny steps towards Minho and lifted his arms around the older boy’s waist. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to- to cry in front of you,...” Jisung mumbled into Minho’s shirt and the older boy closed his arms around Jisung’s shoulders ever so gently but with a slight force to it.

“Don’t you dare cry on your own over something like this,” Minho began, “It’s not like we’re out of this world. Call me whenever you need to talk to someone, alright? Don’t cry for us, don’t cry for me, please, Jisungie.” Minho’s smile was genuine when Jisung looked up at the older boy and Jisung did neither have the energy to argue nor did he want to make it even harder for Minho to leave. Minho cupped the slightly smaller boy’s face and lightly pressed their foreheads together, closing his eyes, a tear escaped them and it fell onto Jisung’s cheek. 

“Wait for me,” Minho whispered, new tears already forming as he opened his eyes to look at Jisung.

“I promise we will stand on stage together, Jisungie. I don’t know when but we will,” the dancer's voice was quiet, only for Jisung to hear, and it made Jisung’s insides cramp. Before he could cover up, a sob escaped his lips and Minho gently laid Jisung’s head onto his shoulder.

“Don’t cry Jisungie, I won’t be able to leave,” he said chuckling at the younger boy’s heartbreaking cuteness.

“Then don’t,...” Jisung simply answered in a breathy sob and tightened his grip on his hyung’s waist.

“I’m sorry that I have to,” Minho began, he carefully took Jisung’s arms from around his body and held his hands as he freed himself from the younger’s grip.

“Take care, Jisungie,” Minho smiled his most genuine smile and Jisung felt like dying would be easier than to let go of Minho. 

Before Jisung was able to argue against them, Minho and Felix were gone. 

Emptiness spread through Jisung’s guts and he turned on his heel to lay down in his bed. Changbin tried to run after Jisung but Chan grabbed his arm, shaking his head in a knowing manner. He was sure there was no one who could help Jisung’s state. The other members didn’t know what to do, so they decided to give the broken boy some space and time.

  
  
  


After they left, Jisung’s condition did not get any better. It didn’t improve even the slightest but actually worsened. 

Jisung had thought, if he wasn’t going to be confronted with Minho’s sad almost unnoticeably hurting face whenever they were going to leave as seven members for their training, he would definitely get better. He had hopes that space would be his cure. Not seeing Minho would make things easier.

 

But Jisung’s sleep was horrible. Being plagued by nightmares and whenever he woke up he felt chills run down his whole body. He felt like their dorm was empty and there was no glass in their windows - the cold washing over his figure ever so skillfully, not leaving out one piece of skin. He was shivering and his energy dropped immensely at a time where he was supposed to restore it. Nights became Jisung’s biggest enemy when he had loved them so much before.

 

This went on for some time, the nightmares always eminent, yet Jisung didn’t know what to do about them. He tried some tricks that he had learned from Changbin, as the other was plagued by insomnia for years and had his own share of recipes that he had tried out. 

None helped, though. They hadn’t for Changbin and they didn’t for Jisung. Jisung’s dark circles became deeper and darker with the days that went by. 

 

Changbin was getting more and more worried and Jisung was sorry that he was now one of the thoughts that circled his sleepless friend’s mind at night. He didn’t know what to do about it and so they stayed up together at some nights. Watching a nice movie or listening to relaxing music, so their bodies were at least getting a bit of rest.

  
  


“Jisungie,” Changbin started one evening of them sitting on the couch together. It was around 3 AM and none of the two were able to fall asleep any time soon.

 

“Hmm?” Jisung hummed back in response, signaling that he was listening.

 

“I know you don’t want to talk about it, and you don’t have to in detail but…” Changbin seemed way more nervous than Jisung was comfortable with.

 

“Spit it Changbinie-hyung. You wanna know why I can’t sleep, right?” Jisung turned on the couch so that he was sitting with his legs dangling down from it, instead of his usual cross legged position. He breathed in deeply.

 

“It started with Minho-hyung’s elimination. I don’t know why it had such a huge impact on me, hyung. I thought that I felt the same as everyone else about him. You know he’s cool and all... “ Jisung scratched the back of his head in embarrassment before he continued, “but his elimination left me punched in the face, kicked in the stomach and burnt alive all at once.”

 

Changbin had not seen that coming. At first, he stiffened in his position but soon he realized where this was going. He just slid a bit closer to the other and laid his head on Jisung’s shoulder, his arms loosely hugging the younger boy’s waist.

 

“What do you think that means?” Changbin asked carefully, knowing this could be a sensitive topic, depending on Jisung’s view on it.

 

“I am not sure… I am so confused,” Jisung said seriously, letting his own head rest on Changbin’s on his shoulder.

 

“I won’t jump into conclusions, Jisungie... You need to figure that out yourself. But maybe you should meet up with Minho? Maybe talking to him clears your mind on this whole situation.”

 

“Maybe,” Jisung answered tiredly, restless, but tired, they spent the rest of the night on that couch, talking about nonchalant things and bits until the sun raised outside their dorm’s windows.

  
  
  


Jisung never decided to call Minho after his talk with Changbin. He got a few messages from the eliminee but he never dared to answer his calls. Never dared to listen to his voice. He wasn’t getting better. But he was sure as soon as he’d hear Minho’s voice, he’d be even worse afterwards. So it stayed that way.

  
  
  
  


But, when Minho and Felix came back, Jisung was more than just beaming. He was filled with a new excitement for their debut and was full-on hyped for making it a nine-member one. 

 

His sleeping did not get better but he always kept to himself, not wanting to worry the others and not wanting to be the pitied one. Chan slept way less, he knew that for a fact, but at least the few hours Chan got were fine, relaxing slumber. Unlike Jisung, who was afraid to sleep in the first place and then was woken up countless times because of memories that had turned into nightmares for him. Nights were the worst for Jisung and he was tired. Always tired and curious for how much longer the nightmares would continue to haunt him.

  
  
  


Time had passed and Minho had moved back into their dorm. He had originally shared a room with the oldest members, Chan and Woojin. Seungmin and Felix shared the one room in the dorm and Jisung stayed with Jeongin, Hyunjin, and Changbin.

 

When they had to move out, Minho’s and Felix’s places in the rooms were empty and because Seungmin did not want to stay alone in his room, he moved in with the older members. 

This meant that Felix and Minho were in need of a new room. The one that was free, seemed fine, so they settled there. 

 

It happened quite quickly though, that Felix stayed over-night in the younger members’ room - to be more exact Changbin’s bed.

These two always had their very own special bond. Since Felix knew Changbin slept better when he was warm, and the other roommates did not agree on Changbin’s plan to just put the heater on full power every night, Felix simply stayed over as Changbin’s personal heat mat. 

After some time, it had become a habit though, that Felix was pushed out of bed at some point in the night. Their solution was simple. They pushed two together, the loser of a game of rock-paper-scissors was to go live with Minho. It was Jisung.

  
  
  


Minho was delighted that they were going to share a room. He happily jumped towards Jisung and then stopped as soon as he saw Jisung’s face. He was in deep thought and Minho wasn’t sure what that meant. His friend who had been crying waterfalls at his leave now looks like he would rather have Minho disappear again. The dancer took a step towards the slightly smaller boy.

 

“Uhm,...” he struggled to find the right words, “Jisungie,... did I do something to upset you? I can share my room with someone else if you don’t want to-”

 

“No, it’s fine,” Jisung smiled at Minho but it didn’t seem real. The corners of Jisung’s mouth dropped as soon as he thought it was unnoticed by Minho - it wasn’t. Minho decided to let Jisung have more distance. He would be talking to him if Jisung had some weight on his chest. Minho knew that. He would - right?

  
  
  


A few hours passed and the members ate dinner together. Changbin and Felix sitting on each - they sat next to each other. And Minho sat next to Chan. When Jisung entered the living room, Minho patted next to him onto the cushion between Changbin and himself. Jisung looked at the dreading spot and carefully sat down, trying not to touch Minho. 

 

The older boy noticed and even though he feels bitter doing so, he moved over towards Chan, giving Jisung more space. Jisung simply looks down at his plate and Minho furrows his eyebrows. Then an elbow in his side made Minho look at Chan, who looked at him with a confused face as well. Both stayed silent so they were not to alarm the other members.

Minho just shrugged his shoulders and they began to eat. Minho trying to take part in the lively conversation, but to his left, Jisung staying quiet the whole time they eat - not looking at Minho’s face once.

It was strange seeing Jisung like that. He was usually one of the mood makers not one of the downers. Minho glanced over to Jisung ever so often but the younger just stared at his food, poking around in it with his chopsticks.

  
  
  


When it got dark outside, they were preparing to go to sleep. All the members were already in their comfy sleeping attire when Jisung put on his shoes in the hallway.

Changbin noticed and walked over to the blonde boy.

 

“Where’re you going?” he asked with his arms crossed over his chest while leaning against the wall. 

 

“I need some fresh air,” Jisung stated without looking up. When he straightens his back and brushes a few strands of his messy fringe aside. 

 

“You mean some air, that isn’t breathed by Minho?”

 

“Yeah- I mean, no! No…” Jisung looks at Changbin with tired lids, “It’s not his fault, you know. I don’t want him to think that.”

 

Jisung’s head hung low and Changbin didn’t say anything more. Before Jisung left, Changbin threw a lazy ‘do not stay outside for long, Chan will be worried’ at the young boy and Jisung gave him a small smile.

 

“I am sorry for worrying you, Binie hyung,” and with that Jisung became one with the dark of their building.

  
  
  


What none of them knew was that Minho had been standing right around the corner of the hallway. He wasn’t keen on eavesdropping but he was worried. Way too worried to care about anything than Jisung. 

Before, when he saw Jisung walking towards their shoes, he tried to hold back and not follow the rapper. But when he heard Changbin trying his luck with Jisung, he could not help it but to listen.

 

The conversation didn’t make a lot of sense to Minho. His eyebrows furrowed as soon as they started talking but when he heard Changbin say something along the lines of ‘air that is not breathed by Minho’, he couldn’t stop himself from flinching and then holding his breath.

 

_ So it has to do with me,  _ Minho thought to himself. He had been speculating about the reason Jisung had changed so much in such a short amount of time. He had thought of the possibility that it was him that changed the lively boy. His departure from the group. His departure from Jisung.

 

Shaking his head, he continued listening to the two guys’ talking. Jisung tried to deny it. But only because he didn’t want to worry Changbin.  

 

_ It’s my fault, _ Minho’s mind circled around that one thought. It was his fault that Jisung was acting like that. That he had lost weight. Didn’t eat. It was his fault and his insides began turning at that thought. 

 

As soon as the door shut close, Minho stepped forward and out of his hiding spot.

 

“Changbinie,... please give me some answers,” Minho looked up at Changbin’s shocked face.

 

“Damn! You’ve been listening? It’s nothing… really we became insomnious buddies, that’s all,” Changbin tried to fake a smile but as he looked into Minho’s serious, almost sad looking face, he sighed heavily.

 

“I’m really not the one to talk to,” Changbin scratched the back of his head awkwardly and walked closer towards Minho, “I’m sorry, buddy, but he needs to find out himself first before he can tell anyone.”

 

To Minho’s ears, Changbin was talking in riddles. The rapper simply patted Minho’s shoulder a few times before leaving towards his own room.

 

Minho stared at the door. He was not sure what to do, so he sat down on their living room couch. He decided to wait for Jisung, as he was not going to be able to follow the younger boy now anyways.

  
  
  


One by one, all the members said their good-nights to Minho. Changbin and Chan being the last ones awake, they sat on each side of Minho.

 

“I’m going to the studio for an hour or something, will you be okay?” Chan asked carefully taking Minho’s hand into his, brushing his thumb over Minho’s knuckles.

 

“You can go to sleep, you know, I will not be able to anyways for at least a few hours. I will make sure Jisung comes back safely,” Changbin added while crossing his legs and looking at Minho with worried eyes.

 

“I want to wait for him. I have too many questions in my head to sleep. I can’t,” Minho stumbled on his words but made them somewhat cohesive. 

 

“Okay,” Chan simply accepted and stood up, giving Changbin a reassuring look that said ‘you take care of them for me’ and Changbin nodded in response.

 

The door shut behind Chan and Changbin decided to stick to Minho’s side for some more time before he walked over to the kitchen table to write down some of the ideas his head was filled with.

 

Minho stayed in his position. He was scrolling through some of his apps but nothing really piqued his interest. He scrolled some more until a picture of their survival show appeared on the screen. It was Jisung. The post was about his and Felix’s comeback to the group and the picture he was looking at was one of the time his elimination was announced. Jisung had been crying on the floor, while the others were surrounding Minho.

 

Tears appeared in his eyes and he wasn’t sure where they came from. Quick to wipe them away, he continued scrolling, only to find another picture of Jisung springing to his face. He tried to scroll further down, but more images popped up and made him feel torn inside.

 

 

This continued on until the door opened and a soaked Jisung appeared in his frame of vision. Sniffing his nose that had turned pink from the cold outside, he didn’t look up but directly took off his shoes and started walking towards the living room.

 

In said room, Minho had turned around to the sound of the door. His arm was now on the back rest of the couch and he was watching Jisung’s every move. That is, until the other stopped moving halfway into the hallway, looking into Minho’s eyes with surprise.

 

Opening his mouth slightly, Jisung walked forward, closer to Minho but not saying a word.

 

“You heard,” Jisung concluded from the fact that Minho was still awake at such an unholy hour of the day. It was past 3AM and Minho was not one of the night owlish members.

 

“I did, I’m sorry,” Minho’s voice cracked a bit as he had been quiet for so long. 

 

Jisung sighed heavily and hung his coat and grabbed a towel from the nearby bathroom to dry his hair with.

 

Slowly approaching Minho, the older made room for Jisung besides him on the couch. He sat there with one leg hanging off the couch, the other angled and in front of him. Jisung sat down in front of Minho, who faced sideways.

Jisung crossed his legs in front of him, sitting somewhat comfortably and rubbed his hair dry with the towel in his hands, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

 

Minho tried to catch a glimpse of Jisung’s face but the towel and his hair covered it proficiently. Minho thought about it for a second, but then reached out slowly, to take the towel from Jisung. 

 

The younger looked up, surprised to see Minho’s tired face. The older didn’t look angry at him. Minho looked worn out, even though it had been his first sleepless night, Minho looked way more tired than Jisung.

 

Minho thought differently. As soon as his gaze met Jisung’s, he felt like he had been stabbed in the chest. The younger boy looked horrible. Frozen, wet, tired, sad, miserable all in all.

 

“Please tell me what is going on, Jisung,” Minho whispered, as if the other members were to wake up if he spoke any louder. Or just so, that only Jisung would be able to hear, no matter who listened or who didn’t - because only that mattered in this moment. Only Jisung mattered.

 

“Hyung, I,... I don’t know where to start and I don’t know how- why, or what is wrong with me. I can’t sleep. I haven’t been sleeping properly ever since you left hyung,” Jisung confessed and looked straight into Minho’s eyes.

 

“Because of me?” Minho was confused. His eyes searched for answers in those of the younger, only shared confusion was what he got out of it. Only messed up emotions that were not possible to sort. 

 

“No! I mean yes, but not that it is your fault,” Jisung started, his eyes avoiding Minho’s again, looking down on his hands, Jisung bit his lip while thinking of how to explain something he doesn’t understand himself.

 

“Can you tell me why you haven’t been sleeping, Jisung-ah?” Minho took the towel into his hands and began to gently kneading Jisung’s hair, drying it a bit more in worry that the younger boy would catch a cold on top of everything that already happened.

 

“So, uh, it started with your, you know,” Jisung spinned his thumbs around another.

 

“My elimination?” Minho completed, fully concentrated on his self-given task of drying Jisung’s hair.

 

“Yeah, for some reason I got nightmares.”

 

“That you got eliminated instead?” Minho asked and Jisung looked up quickly.

 

“No!” Jisung exclaimed, “You were eliminated… The scene played over and over. I thought I’d be going crazy if I had to wake up again, crying and sweating,” as soon as Jisung realized what he had just confessed, he turned a deep shade of pink.

 

Minho just tilted his head and stopped the kneading, resting his hands on Jisung’s head nonetheless.

 

“You were having nightmares and woke up crying? Because I was eliminated?” Minho was trying to puzzle together the pieces Jisung was giving him, but they didn’t seem to make a lot of sense to him.

 

“I guess,...” Jisung stopped the thumb spinning and grabbed his ankles instead, to have something steady to make his hands stop shaking.

 

“That’s terrible. Jisung-ah, I’m so sorry, why didn’t you tell me? I asked so many times, I called so often…”

 

“I couldn’t bear hearing your voice, okay?” Jisung exclaimed a little too loudly. As he noticed, he quickly covered his mouth with his hand.

 

The look on Minho’s face was unreadable to Jisung. He looked hurt, confused and beaten up, all at the same time, it was almost too much for Jisung to stay where he was seated. He wanted to run away, but he knew that Minho deserved to know why he was avoiding him. 

 

“It seemed like hearing your voice would just,” Jisung started and looked away from Minho’s face again.

 

“What? Don’t you think I could like… Listen, or even meet up with you?” Minho was busy trying to understand any of the words coming from Jisung’s mouth and it felt like his chest was going to burn open, “I could’ve been there for you,” Minho added.

 

“It seemed like hearing your voice, meeting up or anything similar would,” it was hard for Jisung to put his feelings into words, “it would make me miss you even more!” he finally bursted out.

 

Minho’s eyes grew wide. He had been missing Jisung as well but not to the extent that he was not able to sleep. Not to the extent that Jisung seemed to have missed him, and that made everything even worse.

 

“Jisung-ah,...” Minho started but was interrupted by Jisung.

 

“I missed you hyung. The thought of you made me sick in the stomach, the thought of you never coming back to us,... never coming back to me,...” Jisung’s eyes began to fill with tears and he looked up at Minho’s eyes again, grabbing the last bit of courage he had, “I thought I’d rather die than live this life without you beside me.”

 

Before any of them knew what he was doing, Minho cupped Jisung’s face, bringing them closer than they were supposed to be as members but somehow it felt like it was meant to be just like that. It felt right to be so close. And before he was able to overthink, Minho closed the space between him and Jisung. Gently pressing his lips against those of the younger boy.

 

Jisung was shocked at first. He grabbed Minho’s shirt instinctively and wanted to protest but realized that he did not want to.

Jisung’s eyes shut close and tears rolled down his cheeks, meeting their lips, making the kiss that was so sweet and gentle taste salty.

 

Minho noticed the change in Jisung’s posture from being stiff and surprised to being more calm and even kissing back. He moved his lips against those cold ones of Jisung in an attempt to pass some of his own warmth over to the shivering boy and Jisung’s grip on his shirt tightened.

Their kiss was sweet, slow and full of affection. Minho lost himself in the moment and when he tried to pull away after a few more moments, Jisung didn’t let him.

 

Minho smiled into the kiss and broke it carefully. Rubbing their noses together, Minho continued smiling before leaning back just so much that he could take in the view in front of him. 

 

Jisung’s eyes were heavily lidded and his face was dipped in a shade of pink that laid over his nose and cheeks. His lips still shiny from the kiss, looked like candy and Minho couldn’t resist to lean in again, savouring the taste of salt and caramel, making sure to keep that taste to himself forever.

 

Leaning back, Minho’s hands fell from Jisung’s cheeks to his thighs, finding a bit of support there.

 

“I’m here now, and I promise that I won’t leave you again, Jisung-ah,” Minho stared into Jisung’s eyes with a serious look in his own, “I’ll make sure something like this won’t happen ever again.”

 

Jisung was at a loss for words and simply nodded at Minho’s statement, before crawling from his position towards Minho. He made Minho lay against the couches arm rest and laid on top of his hyung’s chest, his arms framing the dancer’s waist. 

Minho mindlessly found the towel again and ever so gently continued to dry Jisung’s still dampened hair. 

The next time Minho looked under the towel, he couldn’t help but smile fondly - Jisung was fast asleep. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
